My encounter with patients during a visitation helped me reflect on my relationship with God as I look at my own journey as a person of faith and a Columban missionary. It prompted me to consider the significance of having a relationship with God in our lives:
Who is God for me? What are my images of God? Do I love God? How do I communicate with God? How do I nurture my relationship with God?
Reflecting on these questions led me to think back to the very first moment of God’s presence in my life, tracing it back to the genesis of my existence in the world.
In Jeremiah 1:5, it is written: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart.”
This created an awareness that my relationship with God began from the moment of my conception. I might not have known God then, but God has been loving me always. The fact that I was given the gift of life, given also the opportunity to live in this world, is for me, a person of faith, evidence of this same generous, unconditional love of God. Through the gift of my baptism, I was brought into the Christian life and family when, as a baby, Fr. Sean Anthony Dunne, a Columban priest from Ireland, administered that special sacrament.
Through my parents, the first to make me aware of God’s love and mercy, this relationship started to grow and become two-way. As I slowly grew in understanding that God was not the only one working for this relationship, I began to seek God more. Growing up, my father, though not very religious, had me believe that God is up in heaven and could see everything. Therefore, I should always do good, otherwise God will not be happy with me. That is when I realized God is always there, even if I do not see Him.
In our house, we had different images of Jesus, like Christ the King, The Face of Jesus, The Eye, and the crucifix. When I asked my mother who they were, she would say God. In my innocent mind, I asked how come God has many different faces?
God is in everything that surrounds us, and that is the gift of wonder and awe in God’s presence. This then became the very foundation of what I describe as my covenant with God. Once I understood, I realized God is beyond imagining, that our naked eye cannot grasp and our mind cannot fathom the abundant love and mercy God has for us. Words and images will be too limited to ever imagine and describe the face of God. This is the great mystery of faith that keeps me humble and vulnerable before Him.
This led me to the very words of Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew when he asked Simon Peter the question, “Who do you say I am?” (Matt.16:13-20) My understanding of God is fundamental to how I articulate my own relationship with Him. God for me is my creator, the giver of life, my destiny, my strength, my stronghold, my refuge, my savior, my friend, consoler, and protector.
This understanding of God has been influenced by the people around me. I experience God’s presence through His people. My parents’ understanding, for example, of God as the divine source of all life, helped me to see God as the beginning and the end of everything: “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.” (Rev 22:13)
This theology evolved, and so did my relationship with God, with the help of my religion teacher, who introduced me to reading the Bible. I offer my thanks to Fr. Paddy Duggan, who was then our parish priest in Immaculate Conception in Barretto, where I grew up.
My faith continued to be nurtured during my five years of preparation in the Columban College Catechetical Center, founded by Columban Sister, Sr. Maura Dillon. This enabled me to become a Religious and Values Education teacher. Through this experience, I gained more opportunities to grasp the immense and wonderful plan of God in my life.
My missionary journey has certainly opened my relationship with God to become more intimate and personal. I joined the Columban lay mission program at the age of twenty-four, which gave me a new meaning and purpose in life. There were moments of searching and seeking God’s assurance that I was truly following the right path. So, it became “Me and My God,” and His grand scheme of plan for me. Those were the times when my friends and colleagues started settling down and starting families, getting new jobs, enjoying life with their loved ones and friends around them, while I was a thousand miles away from home. However, through the path I have followed, God has become my home and my refuge, the One who is with me till the end of time.
However, God has also allowed me to realize that life on earth is only a glimpse of what it will be like with Him for all eternity in heaven. This awareness was brought about by the death of family members during my time as a missionary when I lived far from home. God then became my comfort and solace, especially in those times when grief was my only prayer.
Each step of the way, God has revealed Himself in different situations and unique circumstances. With great trust in His plan, I embrace the life He has asked me to live.
I found myself listening to people who have experienced challenges in life. Some have totally put all their trust in God despite the challenges they face in life. Others lost the faith but were seeking to find a way to open up, once again, their life to God.
With an inner confidence, I offer prayers for them, believing in my heart that God will always be with them just as God is with me every step of the way.
Columban lay missionary Angelica Escarsa is from the Philippines. She lives and works in Ireland.